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Canadian Internet Wrestling Federation, June 28th, 1998  SORBAY: Ladies and gentlemen, this next contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the CIWF Cruiserweight Championship. Before we bring out the competitors, the Canadian Internet Wrestling Federation is very pleased to present a surprise guest referee for this match. He is no stranger to Canadian wrestling fans nor to wrestling fans around the world, here he is..... "PLAYBOY" RONNIE D! WILLIS: WHAT??? SHAMUS: Sshhh, Mike! (The arena lights go dark and a pair of pink-tinted spotlights pan across the crowd which has surged to its feet. A cheer rises from the audience as a red heart-monitor graph appears on the Jumbotron giant video screen, slow beeps at first but progressively faster and faster. Suddenly, the heart monitor flatlines, as a piercing beep resounds through the P.A. speakers. The long beep stops and the flatline on the screen forms the words: "MARQUEE MAN". The crowd cheers as the words quickly scroll off to the side as the flatline forms new text: "ICON" which also slides off the screen followed by: "GOD OF WRESTLING". "Sharp-Dressed Man" by ZZ TOP begins playing over the P.A. system and the pink spotlights converge on the arena entrance as a heart-shaped logo appears on the Jumbotron screen. Girlish screams rise from the audience along with a chorus of boos as the curtains burst open and out steps a slender but well-built man with long sandy brown hair and a small tattoo of a red maple leaf on his right arm. "Playboy" Ronnie D is wearing long, black tights with metallic mother-of-pearl vinyl leopard spots covering each leg and a huge metallic red, vinyl broken heart on the seat. He also has on a black-and-white striped referee’s shirt with the sleeves torn off, black boots with a small, metallic red broken heart on the sides and black fingerless gloves with a metallic red vinyl broken heart on the back.) SHAMUS: He was good enough to participate in the Garneau Plate Memorial Tournament and we’re happy to see him back as "Playboy" Ronnie D rattles the rafters once more. WILLIS: I’m amazed you got him to do this! This is great!! (Ronnie D stands at the top of the aisle, posing for a pictures as flashbulbs explode from all around him. The pink spotlights follow him down the aisle as he walks to the ring. Upon stepping through the ropes, he stands in the center of the ring, posing for more pictures, before the arena lights come back on.) WILLIS: If I ever went back to managing, *THIS* is the one wrestler I would *LOVE* to sign to a contract!! SHAMUS: The only reservation I would express is that I’ve never known Ronnie D to have a lot of respect for the rules. How can he make a good referee? WILLIS: Who cares?!? If either of the wrestlers get out of line, Ronnie can lay the smack down!! SORBAY: Introducing first, the challenger, accompanied to the ring by Yokuse "Godzilla" Ganawa, weighing in at 195 pounds and hailing from Tokyo, Japan..... KASHAN AKUMA! (The sound of taiko drumming and Japanese strings begins playing over the P.A. system overlaid with a distorted electric guitar as the arena lights dim. Suddenly, the music changes to the Japanese national anthem and Akuma bursts through the entrance curtains. But instead of his usual black robe with blue and silver markings, he is wearing a traditional kabuki outfit. He raises his arms to either side and he has a large Japanese flag in one hand and a kendo stick in the other as the immense bulk of "Godzilla" Ganawa waddles out behind him. The two men politely bow to the booing and jeering crowd before making their way to the ring.) SHAMUS: I think we’re seeing more of his usual psychological warfare as Akuma seems to be making claim to being the true Japanese superstar in the CIWF. WILLIS: Isn’t he?!? (Ganawa escorts Akuma to ringside and after climbing into the ring, Akuma bows to all four corners of the ring and to "Playboy" Ronnie D who responds by crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. Akuma then kneels down and prays in the centre of the ring for a moment before rising and taking off the kabuki outfit. Underneath, he is wearing his normal tights which are black wrestling pants with blue and silver markings on them, a blue flame with a silver outline running down the outside of each leg. He is also wearing kneepads, shin pads, black boots and bands around his biceps and he backs into one corner where he waits politely.) SHAMUS: I’m not really sure what to make of all this… WILLIS: What else is there to know?!? He’s a traditional kind of guy!! SORBAY: And to introduce his opponent, here is..... MS. MIKI! (The P.A. reverberates with the sound of a snappy guitar riff. Then, the drums kick in.) WILLIS: Who’s music is this? SHAMUS: Don’t you ever read our notes? (The lyrics then start.) LYRICS: She was a-seaside sittin' - Just a-smokin' and a-drinkin' on ringside - On top of the world, oh yeah (Ms. Miki bursts out from behind the entrance way curtains to a round of applause.) LYRICS: She had her drink in her hand - She had her toes in the sand and whoa! Ha, ha - What a beautiful girl, ah yeah (She’s wearing a shape hugging, dark tented, body sleeve that goes down to the floor, with a dark blue, two piece bikini underneath. She has on dark blue high heels, and her hair is down.) LYRICS: What a sweet talkin' honey with a little bit o' money - She turn your head around - Creature from the sea with the looks to me - Like she like to fool around (A few feet behind her, Jack Banks walks out. He receives a huge ovation himself. He’s wearing black Reeboks, black slacks with pleats and a white tank top. His mammoth muscles rippling under his skin. He follows Ms. Miki to the ring.) LYRICS: What a snappy little mammy gonna keep a pappy happy - And accompany me, to the ends of the earth, ah yeah - Ah, that's why I said (Once to the ring, Jack holds Ms. Miki’s hand gently and assists her into the ring. He then walks over by the press table, crosses his arms and intensely looks on, as the chorus to VAN HALEN’s "Beautiful Girls" plays.) LYRICS: Here I am, ain't no man of the world, no - All I need is a beautiful girl - Ah yeah, beautiful girls (The music fades out as Sheila Sorbay hands the microphone to Ms. Miki.) MIKI: Konbanwa, CIWF! And, welcome to Hamilton Heatwave! (The crowd responds with a loud cheer.) MIKI: I trust you’ve been enjoying yourself so far? (An equally loud cheer comes from the crowd again, however this one is mixed with cheers and jeers for those they wanted to win and those who did win.) MIKI: Well then, if you’re ready for the highlight of the evening, I’ll be happy to give it to you. (The crowd cheers wildly) WILLIS: Get naked, yes! SHAMUS: Ssshh, I don’t think you want Jack to hear you saying that. WILLIS: (Whispering) get naked, get naked. MIKI: He’s come here all the way from the "Land of the Rising Sun" to rekindle your childhood dreams of the unbelievable. He’ll astound you with his aerial expertise and amaze you with his equally overwhelming wrestling abilities. He’s the tour guide to your imagination. The CIWF’s Cruiserweight Champion, the "Ruler of the Airways"..... THE KABUKI KID!! (The lights go out as "Hotter Than Hell" by KISS blares over the PA. Suddenly, the arena is illuminated with flickering red and yellow lights from the ceiling where flames burst from the center. The flames shoot out in a circular pattern ten feet round then extinguish only to be replaced with another burst of flames. Then, a dark figure of the Kabuki Kid descends from the middle of the flames wearing a black robe, a long, puffy, white hairpiece and "evil spirit" mask. Flashbulbs go off from all around the arena. The hairpiece blows in the wind of the momentum towards the ring. Kabuki Kid lands on the top turnbuckle, where he faces the crowd. He undoes the zip line and starts to grab his robe when suddenly, Akuma rushes into the corner, climbs up the turnbuckle behind him, slides his head between Kabuki’s legs, lifts up and drops backwards with a huge belly-to-back suplex. The crowd erupts into a series of booing as Akuma gets to his feet and starts pulling at the Kabuki Kid’s robe.) WILLIS: I guess we’re off and running?!? SHAMUS: I guess you’re right? There goes the bell. Ms. Miki dives out of the ring to get out of the way as Jack Banks tries to enter… uh oh! "Godzilla" Ganawa grabs Banks from behind and nails him with a punch in the head that forces Banks to step back. Unfortunately for Ganawa, it doesn’t force Banks back far enough… oh! Ganawa gets clotheslined to the floor by the Superheavyweight Champion. WILLIS: Man! We’ve got all kinds of action!! Ganawa is kissing the floor and Akuma is choking The Kabuki Kid!! SHAMUS: In the ring, Kashan Akuma has The Kabuki Kid’s robe wrapped around his throat and he’s sitting on the Kid’s back, pulling away on it. The Kid still has on his hairpiece and "evil spirit" mask. Things are getting out of control as "Playboy" Ronnie D finally steps in and forces Akuma to let go of the robe. Akuma really on fire as he throws the robe out of the ring then grabs The Kid by the hairpiece and pulls him to his feet. Akuma pulls off the hairpiece and sends The Kid into the ropes with an Irish whip... ouch! Akuma drops Kabuki to the mat by clotheslining him with the hairpiece! WILLIS: There’s long white hair all over the place!! SHAMUS: Akuma follows up with a legdrop and a cover. Ronnie D drops down to make the count: one, two, kickout! WILLIS: He almost got The Kid with that!! SHAMUS: Akuma back to his feet quickly and he drags The Kid up by the hair… oh! But he gets nailed with a headbutt for his troubles. The Kid just hammered Akuma with a headbutt with his mask still on. But Akuma rebounds with a short clothesline that floors The Kid and sends the mask flying out of the ring. This is pure mayhem! WILLIS: Look at The Kabuki Kid’s face paint!! (The camera gets a close look at The Kid’s face. It’s black with a red and white eagle on the front. The eagle is very different then normal. It’s on the center of his face but not posing, rather in an action position. In the feet of the eagle is the broken down word of "AKUMA" with the eagle tearing away at it. Red droplets are all over the face paint as if it’s tearing away at flesh.) SHAMUS: Yuck! The Kabuki Kid practicing a little psychological warfare of his own. Akuma rushes forward as so far he’s been in control but The Kid takes him down with a spinning mule kick. The Kid races toward the ropes… wow! Bounces off the top rope and clobbers Akuma with a springboard lariat! The Kid grabs an arm and sends Akuma into the ropes… no, reversal by Akuma. The Kid bounces back and… hits Akuma with a Frankensteiner! WILLIS: Whoah! That was fast!! SHAMUS: Akuma went down hard but The Kid isn’t even attempting to make a pin. WILLIS: Of course not! This has gotten personal between these two!! SHAMUS: The Kid rolls to his feet and bumps into "Playboy" Ronnie D… uh oh! The Kid getting into a nose-to-nose confrontation with Ronnie D! WILLIS: He doesn’t want to do that! He’s already got a tough opponent as it is!! SHAMUS: Ronnie D sneering at The Kid as he turns back, grabs Akuma and whips him overhead with that lightning-fast snap suplex of his. He rolls to his feet quickly and delivers a standing headbutt drop, up quickly once again and hits a kneedrop to Akuma’s forehead. Akuma sits up, clutching his head in pain and The Kid follows through with a front flip, snapping Akuma’s neck forward. WILLIS: That’s a great combination! We’ve seen him do that before!! SHAMUS: After being surprised at the beginning of the match, The Kid is in control as he grabs Akuma by the back of the head and pulls him to his feet. Now he’s running across to the far side of the ring, pulling Akuma along with him… WILLIS: Uh oh!! SHAMUS: Ooh! The Kid was trying to leap out of the ring to pull Akuma’s neck down across the top rope but Akuma shoved him forward so that the Kid went facefirst into the ropes and bounced backward only to get leveled by an enzuigiri to the back of the head by Akuma! WILLIS: That’s twice in a row his opponent’s have anticipated that move!! SHAMUS: The Kid’s enemies are starting to study his habits as Akuma rubs the back of his head, trying to shake out the cobwebs from that combination of moves he suffered earlier. The Kid staggers to his feet and Akuma rocks him back on his heels with a spin kick. Akuma climbs up in the corner quickly, jumps off… oh! And he nails The Kid with a flying headscissors! The Kid goes down hard and Akuma takes a moment to showboat for Ms. Miki. WILLIS: Look! "Playboy" Ronnie D is just laughing at him!! SHAMUS: Oh! And Ronnie D doing a little bump-and-grind for the ladies and gets a lot of high-pitched screams in response! WILLIS: Kashan Akuma didn’t like that!! SHAMUS: Akuma pulls The Kid to his feet, cinches him in tightly and heaves him up and over in a Northern Lights suplex. Ronnie D smirks as he makes the count: one, two, kickout. Akuma complaining about a slow count but Ronnie D just shakes his head and laughs. Akuma pulls The Kid upright and doubles him over with a fist to the midsection. He lifts The Kid up… oh my! And nails him with a brain buster! WILLIS: The Kid is finally gonna lose his title!! SHAMUS: The Kid looks like he’s out cold as Akuma pulls him to his feet, sets him up and… he’s making a signal! WILLIS: We’re gonna see The Cyclone Fury Driver!! SHAMUS: He goes to lift The Kid up but the champ wriggles his legs and blocks it, sending Akuma up and over with a back bodydrop. Akuma back up quickly but The Kid kicks him in the stomach, sets him up… and plants him into the canvas with a piledriver! WILLIS: Whoah! Where’d that come from?!? SHAMUS: The Kid experiencing a resurgence of energy as he runs into the corner and climbs to the top rope. We could see The Kamikaze Drop here… wow! WILLIS: Holy moley!! SHAMUS: The Kabuki Kid leapt off the top turnbuckle all right but not onto Kashan Akuma! He hurled himself from that tremendous height down out of the ring and onto "Godzilla" Ganawa! WILLIS: Some bad blood there! But at least The Kid had a soft cushion to land on… Ganawa!! Heheheheh! SHAMUS: Ganawa down and The Kid is laying on top of him as he took a hard shot himself from that incredible fall. Kashan Akuma struggling to his feet and he sees The Kid laying at ringside. The Kid now rolling off of Ganawa as Akuma runs into the ropes on the opposite side of the ring. The Kid turns toward the ring as Akuma races toward him… whoah! Springboard suicida off the top rope! WILLIS: These guys are gonna have some *MAJOR* fractures!! SHAMUS: "Playboy" Ronnie D just shaking his head at the wild risks these Japanese superstars are taking. Both men are down on the outside and he starts counting them both out: one… two… three… four… Akuma the first one struggling to his feet… five… six… Akuma grabs The Kid and drags him over to the apron… seven… eight… and Akuma rolls The Kid back into the ring, following right behind to break the count. WILLIS: Wait! He doesn’t want to stay in!! SHAMUS: You’re right, Mike. Now that he’s stopped the count, Akuma is dragging The Kid back to the outside… oh! And he shoves The Kid backfirst into the ring apron, bending The Kid’s spine backward over the edge of the ring. Now he grabs an arm and sends The Kid into the guardrail with an Irish whip… no, reversal by The Kid and it’s Akuma who goes crashing back first into the railing! WILLIS: Do you get the impression these two don’t like each other?!? SHAMUS: Akuma staggers forward, clutching his lower back and The Kid grabs him… oh! Another superfast snap suplex right onto the arena floor! Ronnie D is starting to count both men out again and The Kid rolls Akuma back into the ring and then pulls him back out again to stop the count. Akuma looks like he’s out of it as The Kid picks him up and lays him on top of the timekeepers table. WILLIS: Uh oh! Better call the carpenter!! SHAMUS: "Godzilla" Ganawa back on his feet and he’s trying to intervene but Jack Banks is there, hammering away on him with forearm smashes. The Kabuki Kid, meanwhile, has grabbed the ringsteps and has pulled them out to face the table. He steps back about ten feet or so, now running at the steps… ouch! WILLIS: Can we send him the repair bill?!? SHAMUS: The Kabuki Kid ran up the ringsteps and then leapt off into a Shooting Star Press, landing right on top of Akuma and smashing the timekeeper’s table in the process! WILLIS: Look! Ganawa’s getting hungry as he’s biting Jack Banks’ forehead!! SHAMUS: "Playboy" Ronnie D is ignoring those two as he starts counting Kashan Akuma and The Kabuki Kid out again: one… two… three… they’re starting to stir a little bit now… four… five… six… The Kid using the guardrail to pull himself upright… seven… eight… nine… Akuma up on one knee as The Kid staggers toward the ring apron… ten! [ding ding ding] SORBAY: Ladies and gentlemen, as a result of a double countout, after seventeen minutes and forty-eight seconds, this match is ruled..... a draw! WILLIS: Neither of these men are walking away from this one unscathed!! SHAMUS: You’re right about that, Mike! What an incredible match as both men gave it their all… oh no! Kashan Akuma has just reached under the wreckage of the timekeeper’s table and pulled out that kendo stick he brought down with him. Oh! And he just clobbered The Kid over the back of the head with it! The Kid goes down and Jack Banks shoves off Ganawa to go to his aid. WILLIS: Check out "Playboy" Ronnie D!! SHAMUS: Ronnie D tearing off his referee’s shirt and some of the ladies in the audience are voicing their approval quite loudly. He’s laughing at Kashan Akuma and Jack Banks sparring as Akuma still has that kendo stick. But what’s Ronnie D doing now? WILLIS: He’s rolling out of the ring beside Ms. Miki… whoah! SHAMUS: Oooh! Ronnie D just planted a big wet kiss on Ms. Miki and The Kabuki Kid is out cold, powerless to prevent it! WILLIS: And Jack Banks is tied up with Kashan Akuma so he’s not there either!! SHAMUS: Ronnie D just laughing now as he swaggers up the aisle and poor Ms. Miki seems flabbergasted by the whole thing. WILLIS: Maybe she liked it!! SHAMUS: Please, Mike! She’s a married woman! The Swarm are finally down here to break things up and Ms. Miki is finally able to tend to her fallen husband. 
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